A Kunoichi's Lament
by Kane Shi Megami
Summary: Tenten struggles to find what she wants out of life, from a world where kunoichi are no longer needed. Past mistakes haunt her and when she runs into Neji emotions resurface. Not a happy fic. Can stand alone, side story to K.N


**Fate**

**NejixTenten**

**Konoha Nights side story**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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She was pregnant.

The plastic pregnancy test she held with a shaky hand showed two clear pink strips, only confirming the fears she had since her last two missed periods. She was pregnant……

With Neji's child.

Happiness, anger, confusion and nausea all hit her at once, the latter winning out as she ran to the bathroom spilling the contents of her stomach. With weak legs, she managed to pull herself to the sink washing out her mouth and her face. Her life was changing faster than she had ever imagined.

Two weeks ago, Neji had told her they were getting married. They were young, 16, but a shinobi's life was short and it wasn't uncommon for early matrimony between them. It was one of the most emotional days of her life, she loved him more than anything, but best of all, she would soon be a part of something…… of someone.

She'd been orphaned at an early age and Iruka-sensei had, out of the goodness of his heart, more or less adopted her. Buying her out of the orphanage and taking her with him to the school he taught. There, martial arts, fighting styles and weapon mastery were an art, and she was quickly swept away dedicating herself to her weapons.

She joined the academy a year younger than everyone else, having one of the best teachers as your foster parent had its perks, and she graduated soon after. She was partnered up with a Hyuuga named Neji and things were never the same.

When she as 12 they were teammates, partners, comrades.

And when she was 15 they were lovers.

It was stupid, yes, to get involved so young, but rationalizing it with the fact that they had seen more horror and bloodshed than some 30 year olds had made it a bit easier to take. Maturity came with experience, not with age.

It wasn't love at first sight.

Far from it in fact. Yelling, well she yelled, was a way of communication. She yelled, he sulked, more yelling, more glaring and then they sparred.

Sparring was another dance, another routine they fell into, where they could let go of the outside world and just fight. It was beautiful to her, to be able to spar so openly with someone…..and trust that they wouldn't hurt you, wouldn't judge you and would never exploit you.

Their missions were always a success and they were soon highly recognized by their elder shinobi. Neji had just been accepted as an ANBU, the youngest of the Hyuuga to ever do so. And she had just submitted her application yesterday….. all that was needed was an ANBU willing to vouche for her, Neji had already agreed to. Things had been going so well…..and now…. she was pregnant.

It wasn't going to be any easy thing to tell him.

He'd made it perfectly clear when they first started making love that he didn't want any children until the Hyuuga Clan was united and no more curse seals were placed on Branch children. Tenten didn't think that was a possibility within a 7 or 8 months, depending on how far along she was.

Neji had been in her apartment that same morning.

"There's a mission for you," he'd told her. "It's an assassination on a daimyo from Stone."

"Okay."

"It's not that simple Tenten, you're going to have to go undercover so that there is no suspicion that Leaf was responsible for his death. You're the only kunoichi available for the mission……do you accept?"

Neji was not one for _asking_ people if they wanted a mission. He instead _told_ them they had a mission. "Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice," he said tonelessly as he stared at her coldly.

"If I'm the only one available then I'll do it."

"Then you have chosen your fate." His eyes looked angry and his brow furrowed, "I'll alert the Hokage of your decision."

"What do you mean that I've chosen my fate?" she asked hesitantly reaching out to his arm.

He pulled away, "When you make a decision, you are automatically accepting the consequences they may bring. You have made the decision to accept a dangerous mission and now it is up to fate to see if you will complete it successfully."

Walking towards the door he casually said, "Your ABNU admission depends on the success of this mission."

Her head spun and she felt sick all over again. "Will you be home tonight?" she asked rubbing her temples trying to soothe the oncoming migraine.

"No."

He left and she was left alone trying to figure out why he'd been so distant. She'd had solo missions before, dangerous ones even. When it came to infiltration or undercover missions, kunoichi were usually the first to be assigned because of their lack of suspicion and superb acting abilities.

That evening she sat wrapped in their comforter looking over the scroll. She was pregnant, but not invalid, she could still complete the mission in under a week. She wasn't even showing yet and she had heard of women who still carried out missions till their second trimester. It wasn't as if she could tell the Hokage she'd changed her mind anyway, Nejj had said that her ABNU career depended on it.

As highly unlikely that it was that they would allow her to join ABNU then turn around and offer her maternity leave, it was best to just be honest about her pregnancy and hope they could work something out.

Dragging herself out of bed, she packed the necessary weapons, clothing and food rations she would need the next day for her journey. She hoped silently that Neji would stop by that morning to tell her goodbye. She'd hold off telling him the news until she returned, and stop by ABNU headquarters. Even if they didn't let her test for it, there was always time after she had the baby to try again.

The next morning Neji didn't stop by.

She felt hollow as she walked to Konoha's gates. Neji had always seen her off on all of her missions. But she ran many scenarios through her head that could have happened to console herself.

The mission itself had been a total failure.

She had managed to kill her target, but at a price. She'd been badly beaten and her chakra reserves were dwindling fast. But what was the worst of all was the intense cramps that made her even more nauseous. She was probably dehydrated. Five miles outside of Konoha she collapsed, a patrolling ABNU squad found her and quickly alerted Neji.

It wasn't the best welcoming she'd had, he greeted her with firm questions and silence after. He carried her to an unfamiliar apartment building that was just outside the Hyuuga compound.

She drifted in and out of darkness only hearing the murmured words of Neji and another woman. He placed her down on a futon and Tenten woke to a woman with pink hair with a kind smile and pissed off Neji behind her. The woman looked oddly familiar, probably someone she'd seen but never been introduced too, but Tenten had other matters at hand.

She wasn't sure how long she'd laid on the futon, or how long the woman, she later would know as Sakura, continued to heal her and nurse her back to health. All she remembered was that when she finally was alert, the cramps had stopped and Sakura had told her she had miscarried.

Neji had been in the room. The emotionless mask he wore did little to help her. Was he not sad? Was he angry with her? Did he blame her? Would he never forgive her? The reality that she had just lost her baby sunk in quickly and Sakura was the one that held her through her sobs. Neji was nowhere in sight.

She stayed two more weeks with her, until her bleeding stopped being so massive, and when Sakura gave her a clean bill of health Neji came back and escorted her home. At her apartment that night, they sat wordlessly at the kitchen table.

He offered not console, no affection, he only had the same look on his face he had the day she told him she'd accept the mission.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

"Don't be…..It was fate."

Fate….fate was a word that was frequently a part of Neji's vocabulary. It justified everything that happened in his world.

"Still, I'm sorry."

"I told you that day that you were accepting the consequences of your actions." He looked frigidly at her, "These are the consequences………accept them."

She didn't know when she had started crying, but the hot tears fell from her eyes as she jumped out of her seat slamming her hand on the table. "How can you be so damn cold hearted! We just lost our child Neji! Our baby! Don't just brush this aside; show me some kind of reaction!"

He sat unmoved by her outburst. "By accepting the mission I offered to you, you were leaving it up to fate to decide if the baby would live. It was _your_ decision, your choice."

She sat back in her chair, it was her fault, she shouldn't have accepted it. He gave her a choice-

"Wait. You gave me a _choice_ that day Neji. You _NEVER _give me a choice when it comes to missions. Why did you give me one that day?" She asked brushing away the stray tears on her face.

He looked at her….and then it hit her.

"You knew."

"The Byakugan is not immune to noticing the changing chakra waves during pregnancy," he said, arms still crossed stoically over his chest.

"How long did you know?" she asked fearing his answer.

"I knew two weeks before you accepted your mission."

The dates lined up in her head, fresh tears forming in her eyes, "The day you proposed."

"Yes."

She looked away finding a place on the wall to stare at and not at the man that sat across from her. "Was that the reason you asked me?" she asked weakly.

"It was one."

It was truly a cruel thing to feel so many hurtful emotions all at once. After the miscarriage her hormones still weren't perfectly in sync like they should have been and it was so much easier to cry now than ever. "Why did you let me do it Neji? I didn't find out till that day……I don't have a special Byakugan that shows me what you can see! You could have told me sooner and I wouldn't have done it!"

"It wasn't my decision to make."

"So that it? That's how you're going to get out of this one! Chalking it up to FATE! Damn you Neji, you should have told me sooner….." her voice died away and she couldn't hold back the sobs. Running to the bathroom, she sank to the cold tile file hugging her knees to her body.

Breaking down in front of Neji wasn't something she did, and she wasn't about to start now. Neji's toneless voice drifted to the bathroom. "You chose the role of a kunoichi over the role of a mother; perhaps this was fate's way of telling you shouldn't become one."

Something in her snapped and instead of crying, she jumped to her feet, flung the door open and punched Neji in the face as hard as she could. Had he seen it coming? Probably. Neji only had one blind spot and his face wasn't it.

He wiped the corner of his mouth where blood was descending and she fought for her breath, her shoulders heaving with emotion. "Don't you EVER say anything like that to me again Neji," she blinked back her tears.

"I may have chosen to take on the mission, but I didn't do it to purposely loose my baby. YOU should know better than anyone how much I value family and how much I looked forward to having one with you. Was it a mistake? Yes. Can I change it? No. So stop hurting me with you hateful words." Her voice was wavering and she clutched her fists when a wave of cramps hit her again knocking her to her knees.

"Ugh," she doubled over when another pain jabbed her. Neji moved closer towards her but as his hand reached to her back she stopped him, "Just leave."

He hesistated a moment before standing up and leaving their apartment.

He moved out the next day.

It wasn't the end of their encounters. Her application to ANBU came back in the mail a few days later with a seal of 'rejected' written across it. It didn't take long to figure out who had stepped in and ASKED that she not be let on their squads. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Neji's worth to the Hokage was far greater than her own so she didn't even pursue it.

That didn't stop her from confronting him though. This time when she yelled, he yelled back. It wasn't something she was use to, but it didn't stop her from her tirade.

"Not everyone makes ANBU Tenten, what makes you so great!"

"Don't even play that with me Neji! You're only doing this so that I won't be anywhere near you! How can you do this to me your selfish bastard! You know that this was one of my dreams!"

He scoffed, "You're calling _me_ selfish?" His eyes narrowed and he shortened the distance between them. "_You're_ the one that was selfish when taking on a mission that you would benefit from. You didn't even bother to think how this would affect the baby or me! You want to know about dreams! Did you ever stop to think that maybe you ruined one of mine when you went out and lost our baby?"

The words were too hurtful to hear, the wounds were still too fresh, and that was the first fight she ever walked away from.

No one ever found out about her miscarriage.

When she started going back on solo missions, which were all that were offered due to the low number of missions altogether, she found them pointless but necessary to keep her mind off of Neji.

Then the missions started coming far and few between.

Then they stopped altogether.

Apparently Orochimaru's control had strengthened over Konoha and the only missions that were being carried out were by squads of ABNU that were skilled enough to perform them and not get killed. The handful of kunoichi that still remained were jobless and beyond screwed.

Any job she qualified for, a man could do, and she was often overlooked. She got a job at a blacksmith's making weapons and it worked for a while, but it was too quiet and she had too much time to dwell on past mistakes and her lost life. Sakura happened to come by one day ordering a special katana and instantly recognized Tenten.

They went out to lunch and hit off.

Sakura offered her a job at the florist shop that her friend owned. Flowers were a far cry from what Tenten liked to work with, but if it meant being around people again, it was worth a try.

A woman named Kurenai owned the building and ran her own business upstairs, but Ino, a fellow kunoichi, rented out the bottom flat as a flower shop. It didn't take long to figure out what was going on behind the scenes and Ino soon left the flower shop entirely to her while she moved upstairs following the death of her teammate.

It wasn't but a few months later when Sakura came to work there as well, only this time, she wasn't alone, she had another girl with her named Hinata. The name sounded strangely familiar but not being able to make a connection, she overlooked it and welcomed her warmly.

When Kurenai committed suicide, Tenten feared they would all lose their source of income, but luckily Kurenai had signed over everything to their upstairs medic Shizune. Shizune wasn't the most relaxed person in the world, in fact many could say she was quite anal. But she cared about them all and when she moved up to take Kurenai's position, Sakura moved up to become the new medic.

Being a medic only required that they inspect any potential clients for any diseases, bugs, or anything that could jeopardize the women that worked there. Personally, Tenten thought Sakura was too qualified for the job having learned that she had a doctor background and use to work for the Hyuuga as their medic.

Six months later news broke out of the unity of the Hyuuga Clan's two branches. Tenten hadn't heard or spoke to Neji in almost a year but was happy that at least he had achieved something he'd always wanted. That was until she found out the Neji was engaged to Hanabi.

Hanabi was still young in age but she knew Neji was no pedophile and probably wouldn't touch her until he had too. It didn't stop her from feeling like she'd been brushed aside for something better, and it didn't stop her from going into a long depression and alcohol abuse. Eventually, Hanabi would have to produce an heir to strengthen the new united clan. And Neji would finally have the children he wanted……with no curse mark on their foreheads.

It was bittersweet to find out that Hinata was the Hyuuga Clan heir that had mysteriously died a week after her father had been assassinated. By this time Tenten had gotten to know her and loved how she didn't speak of destiny and fate. Instead Hinata was a firm believer in creating your own path, probably had something to do with the blonde annoying boy named Naruto that was currently hanging around the shop a bit too much. Tenten easily forgave her for having kept it a secret, understanding that her life had been in danger. She overlooked the fact that it had been Neji that saved her.

"He's not the same anymore Tenten. Neji-san's changed, he no longer believes in fate." Hinata had once told her. Irony was a horrible thing. But it didn't matter if he had changed, it was too late. He had already moved on and could now have everything he ever wanted, and she would just have to do the same.

She just had to figure out _what_ she wanted.

Eventually, Shizune required more assistance with the books on the upper floors so Tenten volunteered giving Hinata and Naruto more time alone downstairs. It was interesting to say the least, but she had the opportunity to spend more time with Sakura.

When Neji and Hanabi married that spring, she took her first client. Shizune had warned her against it, telling her she was still too young to be tainted with such a life. She ignored her and became a part of the dark lifestyle that came with working in a brothel.

Somehow the years flew by and she lost herself in the blur that was her life.

On one of the many low nights she had, she drifted towards the cemetery slightly outside of Konoha. It wasn't a memorial of shinobi, but of regular citizens who had passed away. She found the unmarked stone in the back, the one that Sakura and she had placed for her unborn child, and found an Amaryllis beside it.

The Amaryllis was Neji's favorite flower, standing for pride and splendid beauty. Something broke in her that night and she cried again mourning for her child and the life she once had. She gave up drinking that night, but she still worked at the brothel. Things were much easier to face when you were sober and it was harder to forget the faces but it kept her mind off other things.

Shizune had become even more disorganized and constantly disappeared for days on end so Tenten requested Hinata's help on the upper floors. Shizune of course loved the idea, having a soft spot for the quiet shy girl, and asked Sakura to train her as her replacement so that she wouldn't have to continue juggling both of her jobs.

Sakura had also started taking on clients. Tenten believed it coincided with the fact that the Uchiha boy didn't come around anymore.

But Tenten swore that she would never let Hinata come within range of a client.

Her prayers were answered when Naruto proposed to her. A weight had been lifted off her shoulders because Tenten had always thought of Hinata as her own sister and now she was confident that if one person could take care of her, it would be Naruto.

She hadn't counted on seeing Neji at the wedding.

She felt her legs almost give way when she saw him, he'd changed so much since the last time she'd seen him. She was willing to admit that time had changed him for the better, he was taller, more handsome and looked good in the Head Clan robes. But she masked her emotions carefully and glared at him as she ushered Hinata into the changing room.

When the reception was dying away she grabbed a bottle of sake and headed out to the roof for some fresh air. She should have known that Neji was still a stargazer. They said nothing and she liked it that way. It was odd to have him so close to her, the tidal wave of emotions consuming her, but she simply drank and let the buzz help her forget.

"How are you Tenten?"

She was pretty sure she wasn't drunk enough to hear voices, which meant that Neji had spoken.

"Fine, how's your wife?" she tossed back.

There was silence. 'There,' she thought with triumph.

"I haven't touched her," he said after a while.

"Why not?" she spat.

"She's only 15."

Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that it was his cousin. Proper Neji always willing to do anything for his duty and honor. "That's a lame excuse, if I remember properly we were _way_ past being innocent by then."

He said nothing and she jumped off the roof straightening her dress. His words cut her deeply, "I never stopped loving you."

She froze.

Willing her legs to move she fought a long time before they finally responded. This time she walked away without saying anything. But her heart was pounding and tears were rolling down her cheeks. 'Neither have I' she thought sadly.

oo oo! I finished it! In one siting. does a dance I hope this clears up any questions about the love/hate thing with Neji and Tenten.


End file.
